2 months without a post, uggh. Started a new full-time role which as a greenfields startup required a huge amount of front end work, which I assumed was further on when I arrived – WRONG! So silly me made sure we meet the deadline. And am now paying for it with 8 days of illness and resultant inability to sleep more than 20 mins at a time – yay! Please meds – kick in! Counting sheep aint cutting it.
When I finally do go mad, I will write a post much stranger even than my standard ones and someone can ring for the rubber truck! Hmm – or perhaps when I go mad I will actually revert to normalcy and that will be the sign to call in the purveyors of electroshock therapy (they guarantee you leave with a buzz). In the mean time, to keep my mind from wandering into abject boredom in these dark hours, I thought I would get on here and bash some keys – problem is what to rant about??????????
It’s not that I can’t think of anything – it’s just that in my sleep deprived state, not much is funny – I mean – look at the above – just one joke (I hope you noticed it, I am very proud of that one).
Oooooooooh – lets talk baby names. You know where I am going………. Blue……..Ivy……… are you kidding? Ivy Blue is sort of, almost, acceptably poetic, but come on people, standard colours don’t make glam names. You can’t have a celebrity parent couple of the mega hypedom that encircles Beyonce and Jay-Z, and then chose a flatliner for the child: “Hi, my name is Blue and this is my mum Beyonce and dad Jay-Z, as you can tell they don’t love me, because they came up with my name by looking at the medicare form and picking the ink colour. I mean BJZ, what is wrong with azure, aqua, cerulean cobalt, cornflower, cyan, denim, midnight, navy, indigo, smalt, ultramarine, or brandeis. I think it should have been Smalt, we just can’t get enough Smalts in the world. Quick Blue, go change it by deedpoll, Smalt is where it’s at y’all. Plus – her initials are BIC – the pen theme is playing strong isn’t it! Atleast as Smalt Ivy Carter she can be fully SIC!
And then there was that song…….lol.
- I wreck havoc on the world, Get ready for part two,A younger, smarter, faster me………………...I am hoping she is more like her mama.
- You don’t yet know what swag is but you was made in Paris and mama woke up the next day and shot her album package…. Jay-Z, wayyyy too much information, just zip it up.
So what other celeb baby names did we welcome…..
- Monroe – Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon hmmmmmm, not bad
- Amaya Josephine – Adopted daughter Mariska Hargitay Oh so gonna get bullied at school
- Gemma – Kristin Davis Boringly normal, like Kristin really.
- Hattie – Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott OMG, no, no, no, no
- Madison – Spice Girl Melanie Brown, Pffffffffft, so 2010
- Delilah – Kimberly Stewart and Benicio del Toro Where is Tom Jones when you need him?
- Clover – Actor Neal McDonough Meaning she will be an irritating pest
- Haven – Jessica Alba and Cash Warren or harbour, port, or A grade shopping complex.
- Penelope – Tina Fey in for a penny, in for a pound I suppose, take that as you will.
- Emily – KISS singer Paul Stanley Isnt he too old for kids? He must be like 100……
- Indiana – Ethan Hawke So 1990’s – like Ethan!
- Arabella – Ivanka Trump Why not name her Ka-ching, cos that is what the boys will be thinking
- Harper Seven – Victoria and David Beckham I guess the vacuous, skin deep style trolls actually did ok for a change
- Agnes – Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany I hear church bells and see doves
- Willow – Pink and Carey Hart I see switches and bondage scenes
- Kira – Joey McIntyre Blah, yawn
- Mia – Ian Ziering Mia’s will one day take over the earth, they are multitude
- Sydney – Laila Ali Come on – add Harbour Bridge and she can rent herself out for NYE
- Ava – Melissa Rycroft and Tye Strickland Ageless, timeless, and sparkless
- Joni – Zac Brown of Zac Brown Band I see the Fonz………but the thumbs are down
- Olivia – Tom Hanks’ son, Colin Hanks Tom’s a grandpa – cool. Hope he took a bawx of chawklaahts to hospital
- Sadie – Christina Applegate J Farnham is unretiring to sing this poor girl into a career in janitorship
- Coco – No Doubt bassist Tony Kanal Mmmmmmm – warm and rich, goes down well, not a great choice then
- Faith – Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban Yawn and yawn again
- Kase – Jewel and Ty Murray Oh lordy, how can I not: Jewel Kase….hahaha
- Aleph – Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied WTF?????????????
- Bingham – Kate Hudson and Matthew Bellamy So wrong, I see a chequered future lol
- Cree – Tia Mowry and Cory hardrict I think this is dolphin language
- Bear Blu – Alicia Silverstone She was obviously still taking gas as she completed the forms
- Moroccan – Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Naming a child for place of conception wont help them in school, Shhhhh
- Skyler – Rachel Zoe and Rodger Berman I like it, although his head may be in the clouds
- Cleo – Friends star David Schwimmer Venomous personality tipped.
- Kannon – Kevin James Lives life with a boom? Perhaps addicted to baked beans
- Andrew Nicolas – Mariska Hargitay Boring
- Genesis – Viola Davis A beginning! But will he ever finish anything?
- Emmett- Spencer Grammer You can see him in a lab coat too can’t you?
- Colt – Big & Rich’s John Rich He has a nag of a wife and horse for a son? Rancher men hey!
- Weston – Jenna Fischer Jenna is excitedly awaiting arrival of her 2nd son to be named Country
- Marcel – Marion Cotillard He will try to communicate without speech, people think him a tosser.
- Tristan – Donald Trump Jr. Please stop marrying models and having kids, u r depleting the gene pool
- Spike – Mike Myers A funny man methinks
- Xander – January Jones My top pick – cool but not pretentious (unlike my list hehe)
- London – Dr. Phil’s son, Jay McGraw Again with the conception spoiler – stop it – we don’t want to know
- Milo – Alyssa Milano Naming your child for a beverage is never going to be good
- Arthur – Selma Blair Expecting a king are we? Or did a joker emerge?
- Waylon – Drea de Matteo and Shooter Jennings He’ll play quarterback, but always overshoot the mark.
- Felix – Elizabeth Banks She had a cat? Sheesh…..no boundaries these days
- Flynn – Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr Uber trendy couple, picked a swashbuckling name
- Kroy Jagger – Real Housewives of Atlanta Kim Zolciak Yay, our evil overlord Commander Kroy has arrived – all Hail!
Ahhhhhh – well there is a bit of fun, and killed 2 hours of my long, cough filled night. Remember – before naming your child, check the domain register to ensure their name is not already taken, because having to be windy.topiary.smith.2.com isnt going to cut it in the dating world.