Of course, it begs the question – why not stay in a luxe hotel??????? Because we are camping daaaaaaaaahlink, CAMPING like the plebs. Slumming it in style!
When I was a kid we took our version of glamping (a 4 person tent which had a separate sleeping area – sooooooo la-di-dah for the day), whacked it up in the camp grounds at Wilson’s Prom, and dined on gas barbecued food for each meal. No fridge apart from a little esky, topped daily with ice, no tv, loo or sink (we had a washing up bucket and the local amenities block). It was fun – we got to know the neighbours, we played for hours whilst the parents drank cask wine and laughed a lot.
How soft have we become that such trials are beyond us. Our cavemen great great great (etc) grandaddies would be horrified.
I’ve decided to invent a couple of new crazes to harden people back up – so please, check out the delightful experiences below and send you bookings to email@example.com. Act quick – places are going fast! Have your credit card ready.
Experience 1 – Nanping
You get to stay with nan and pop for 3 nights and do all the chores the old-fashioned way ‘cos they don’t have new-fangled contraptions like washing machines and powered mowers – also doubles as a get fit experience.
Experience 2 – Gramping
You are given some sticks, palm fronds, instructions and a stone, and left on a deserted island for 7 luxurious days and nights. A totally sustainable holiday! Green Camping at it’s best. Also can be utilised as a weight loss experience or training week for Survivor TV series.
Experience 3 – Stramping
We saved the best for last. Live on the streets of New York for 5 fun-filled nights! We kit you out with a newspaper and shopping cart and off you go exploring back alleys and park benches. Also doubles as an Entrepeneurs’ Survival experience.
And no – this is not able disrespecting street wanderers – it is about commenting on how hard their lives are – so please – no angry comments!
It’s a bit embarrassing really. The one and only thing you are centred on – your life purpose, and you forgot to carry the one. STOP everything people! Sorry, sorry, I got it wrong. Pack away the super dooper fallout shelter, start eating the 10 dozen cans of baked beans. We take no responsibility for errors on our part leading to midnight visits from thugs wanting payment of those gambling debts you racked up in expectation of a swift end.
The good news is they’ve re-calculated, carried the one properly this time, been audited by Ernst and Young, and we now have a new date for the Rapture. Woo hoooo. I am so relieved, I find it hard to function without an exit strategy. Mark it on your calendars people – plan your end! OCTOBER 21 2011. 6 months. Not a lot of time! What’s your final moment preference:
1. Trampled by a horseman
2. Fried by bolt of lightning
3. Bored to death by last day sermons
The whole thing just smacked of a Monty Python sketch – I kept expecting Terry Jones to pop his head around the corner and say “He’s not the Messiah, he’s just a very naughty boy!”
So – what is the business learning from all of this?
Firstly, that there’s money in religion – please send your donations to the Sacramental Church Armageddon Membership United Society (SCAMUs.com.hehe).
Secondly, don’t promise things you can’t deliver to your customers! If I was a member of His Royal Reverendness of the Erroneous Calculator Camping’s congregation I think I would be giving Customer Service a bell and asking for my money back!