Tag Archive | baked beans

How to calculate Rapture dates & other nutty maths problems

Oh dear – it seems that some people needed to focus a little less on the fire and brimstone and a little more on algebra.  I am talking about the Rapture of course.

It’s a bit embarrassing really. The one and only thing you are centred on – your life purpose, and you forgot to carry the one.  STOP everything people!  Sorry, sorry, I got it wrong.  Pack away the super dooper fallout shelter, start eating the 10 dozen cans of baked beans.  We take no responsibility for errors on our part leading to midnight visits from thugs wanting payment of those gambling debts you racked up in expectation of a swift end.

The good news is they’ve re-calculated, carried the one properly this time, been audited by Ernst and Young, and we now have a new date for the Rapture.  Woo hoooo.  I am so relieved, I find it hard to function without an exit strategy.  Mark it on your calendars people – plan your end! OCTOBER 21 2011.  6 months.  Not a lot of time!  What’s your final moment preference:

1. Trampled by a horseman

2. Fried by bolt of lightning

3. Bored to death by last day sermons

The whole thing just smacked of a Monty Python sketch – I kept expecting Terry Jones to pop his head around the corner and say “He’s not the Messiah, he’s just a very naughty boy!

So – what is the business learning from all of this?

Firstly, that there’s money in religion – please send your donations to the Sacramental Church Armageddon Membership United Society (SCAMUs.com.hehe).

Secondly, don’t promise things you can’t deliver to your customers!  If I was a member of His Royal Reverendness of the Erroneous Calculator Camping’s congregation I think I would be giving Customer Service a bell and asking for my money back!

I, Toldyah